When a raccoon began raiding garbage cans at my home in suburban Prince George’s County, I put two five-pound weights on the lids. The critter then began tipping over the can and making a bigger mess. The ruckus also drove my cat insane, causing her to jump on window sills and claw at the glass.
I thought about trying to trap the raccoon and even considered paying for the Humane Society’s “wildlife conflict resolution service.” But trapping requires permission from the Maryland Department of Natural Resources, and the Humane Society service requires filling out a form, then waiting for a callback and a visit.
I decided to go with option 3: just kill it and be done with it.
The tool for this job will be a gun — preferably one called the Gamo Whisper Silent Cat Air Rifle, which fires pellets at supersonic speeds and comes equipped with a suppressor.
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I don’t relish the task. I expect animal rights advocates to cite my “cruelty to animals” as a sign of childhood delinquency. Gun- control advocates will probably claim that I’m acting out a “hit man” fantasy for wanting to use a “silencer.”
Both groups do make good points about our country’s overuse of violence to solve problems. But their solutions don’t always make sense, either.
The Humane Society offers this advice for dealing with raccoons that get inside your house:
“[F]ind out if your unwanted guests in your house happen to be a mother raccoon with young. If so, the best thing to do is wait a few weeks until the babies grow old enough to leave with their mother — they won’t survive without her.”
But raccoons spread rabies and roundworm. They can make your babies sick. They chew up electrical wires and can cause fires. The blaze could kill the raccoons. But your house could burn down in the process.
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The Humane Wildlife Conflict Resolution, based in Woodbridge, Va., boasts that “we utilize humane techniques so that we may evict the critter from your home.” As if raccoons were tenants that had fallen behind in the rent.
Enter the gun.
I live in a quiet Fort Washington neighborhood and do not want to alarm my neighbors. Hence the so called “Whisper Silent Cat” air rifle. Our neighborhood has hawks, owls and deer. Every now and then, an eagle shows up. I do not want to scare them away.
The raccoons don’t make my list of protected species. And it is fur-bearing hunting season in Maryland.
A bill before Congress to legalize the sale of suppressors has outraged violence prevention advocates, who argue that the legislation will make it easier for criminals and potential mass shooters to obtain devices to conceal attacks.
As with most gun-control arguments, the advocates appear to lack basic firearms knowledge. I could make a suppressor from an automotive oil filter can. Any high school metal shop student could do it.
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I noticed the varmint problem getting worse after Prince George’s County cut back on trash collection a few months ago. A budget deficit was the reason given for going from two-days-a-week pickup to one. I could call the county’s Animal Management Division about the raccoon, but that could result in more deficit spending if too many other rodent-plagued residents did that.
And the next thing you know, the county will be installing more speed cameras to make up for the loss.
The University of Maryland’s Home and Garden Information Center recommends keeping garbage cans in a garage or shed or that they “be fastened tightly with strong straps and tied to something. Electric fencing can be very effective in excluding raccoons from vegetable gardens.”
Humane Wildlife Conflict Resolution warns that some wildlife removal companies will catch the pest, then take it back to the office and euthanize it. Some methods involve the use of serums that cause the animals to convulse, gag and defecate.
“The most cost-effective way to kill an animal causes slow and excruciating death,” says the wildlife conflict resolution company.
I have a $10 box of pellets that says otherwise.
To read previous columns, go to washingtonpost.com/milloy.
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