The lure is the photos: thick milkshakes topped with whole slices of cheesecake, doughnuts, giant cookies, s’mores and even caramel apples. And, of course, sprinkles everywhere.
The images are part enticement, part challenge.
But I was ready. Well, when I left the house that morning, I was ready. Then, as I approached the newly opened doors of the Crazy Mason Milkshake Bar in Alexandria, I grew antsy, as if the sugar rush had already hit me. I’d never been nervous about eating chocolate before, but can anyone ever really be ready to consume an oversize dessert blended with a different dessert topped with yet more dessert?
Still, I was on a mission: It was the eve of National Chocolate Milkshake Day (Sept. 12), and my goal was to get my hands on the most extravagant chocolate shake I could find.
The Crazy Mason Milkshake Bar was opened this month by Robert and Erin Studer, who also operate an outpost of the franchise in Ellicott City. The couple fell in love with the concept of the restaurant — in which colossal shakes are served in Mason jars — during a 2021 visit to the flagship store in Myrtle Beach, S.C.
Robert welcomed me into the narrow shop in a prime location on Old Town’s main drag and explained that one thing he and Erin loved about the Crazy Mason is that “the pictures you see on the menu line up with what you get.” Milkshake flavors range from Oreo cheesecake to banana pudding and come with punny names — the mint chocolate chip shake, for example, is called Mint to Be. Or perhaps you’d prefer the peanut-butter-flavored Build Me Up Buttercup.
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The picture that drew me in was of the Fudgin’ Best, a chocolate milkshake mixed with mini chocolate chips and crowned with a dense brownie drizzled with hot fudge, chocolate mousse and half a king-size Hershey bar. Like all the other Crazy Masons, it costs $16 and comes in a locally themed, 16-ounce Mason jar that customers can bring home as a souvenir.
Once my shake was served to me, I found that Robert was right. The dessert looked almost identical to what I had seen online and what was depicted on the diner-style menu.
Armed with a straw and a spoon, my first thought — which I later heard uttered aloud by another patron — was, “How on earth do I start?” So I started with photos — the phone eats first, after all. Then I picked up my long-handled spoon and tasted the chocolate mousse. As I worked my way through the layers of mousse, brownie and chocolate bar, I was reminded of the scene from Roald Dahl’s “Matilda” where Bruce Bogtrotter has to eat Miss Trunchbull’s entire chocolate cake — delicious, but intimidating, and also quite messy.
After a few bites, I decided to move the toppings aside to test the main attraction, and Robert gave me a to-go box to bring them home. The milkshake was one of the better chocolate shakes I’ve tasted, in large part because it uses real chocolate ice cream rather than vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. I sat for about half an hour, gazing out at King Street and at the “Treasure Chest” claw machine in the corner of the shop, as I took sips of chocolate and more chocolate interspersed with bites of chocolate.
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Just under halfway through, I admitted to Robert that I didn’t think I could finish the shake in one sitting. “That’s possible,” he nodded, unsurprised.
As delicious as it was, and as much as I love chocolate, it was rich. I could’ve used some help from a friend. As a kid, I would have loved sharing this with a parent. As I sipped, I thought of the laundry list of loved ones who would enjoy this with me. But, like Bruce Bogtrotter, I was destined to consume my chocolate alone. Unlike poor Bruce, I had the liberty of putting my spoon down when my stomach reached capacity.
Because I had no one to help me, I brought the rest of my milkshake, plus the brownie, chocolate mousse and chocolate bar, home. Though I enjoyed my experience, I don’t think I can return to the Crazy Mason without another person. As Bruce Bogtrotter and I can both attest: A dessert of this magnitude is meant to be shared.
The Crazy Mason Milkshake Bar, 716 King St., Alexandria. Hours: 2 to 9 p.m. Monday through Thursday, 2 to 10 p.m. Friday, noon to 10 p.m. Saturday and noon to 9 p.m. Sunday.
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